Pleasure of finding God amidst your pain?
The Lord says, "He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirt. - Psalm 34:18” Perhaps you are in a very stressful or critical time right now. Perhaps the difficulties and pain of life seems too much to bear. Financial problems, failed relationships, work pressure, self-doubt and insecurities. A time that you felt alone, broken and pointless, and you find yourself needing for fresh guidance from the Lord. Will you be able to find God in the midst of your pain? These curveballs sometimes stress us out our way more than they should.
Last August 11, 2017 in our SFC A2 Chapter Teaching entitled “Discovering your 2Ps” held in Al Safa Bldg. Room 101 is opportunely.
Now, what are these 2 Ps?
Our first speaker was Tito Boots Ladrillo with his full energy talks about the First P, “Discovering your PAIN.” What are the common sources, how to deal with it and decide to be victorious over the pain. Moreover it teaches us to let go of the pain cause by our mistakes and fears .That in every situation and circumstance God is in control. In fully surrendering everything to God, we heal and grow, we forgive and forget.
Pain is real and we are called to overcome. To end the first session, we had a short activity by writing down three events or situations and three persons in our life that have been the source of our deepest pain.
While on reflection, I was stuck remembering the familiar feeling of dejected. It brings me back to an extreme melancholy and heartbreaking experience that I myself struggled and fought to overcome few years back. Thus and so I believe that the greatest gift you've ever learned is to love and be loved. For us woman, it is very rare to find who hasn't watched "Cinderella" and dreamed about marrying her prince. Mostly, have even wedding planned out details of their dream wedding when you started to like or love someone. The toughest part about fantasizing dream wedding and relationship is embracing the slight chance that it will never happen. Entertaining this idea soon becomes a fear but that fear will be overcome once our magical day arrives. And I am not spared to wonder if this will ever happen.
Since 2004, I started serving YFC to SFC community and a lifetime partner is one of my heart’s deepest desires in prayer. When you are in the community, you will realize that your ideal relationship goal has been changing from a fairytale handsome prince charming now to a real man of faith and a POGI be like a.k.a "Presence of God Inside" type of man is what all it matters.
Then one day I met an SFC brother and eventually we both fell in love. We've been actively and happily serving as heads of one Chapter in the Philippines. Being in a 5-year relationship was not everything about romantic excitements. We experience trials and tribulations through ups and downs like a roller coaster ride relationship. Misunderstanding and shortcomings at times but roughly enjoy being together. As partners in laughter and fun, we also enjoy being with our own set of friends or pursuing separate interests. As time flies, I came to a point that I became emotional dependent rather than being emotional responsible. And because of too much attachment in love and attention that I am giving, I start sinning like the whole world seems to revolve around him. And so dreams have to end and I have to wake up soon. We broke up a year before the planned marriage. Later on, I found out that he is now on a relationship with a trusted friend. Few days, a closed SFC brother died due to accident. My uncle was diagnosed of lung cancer. I failed the board exam and lost my job. What a series of salient whirlwind. It was so devastating that they happened so fast all at the same time.
I was broken. I felt ugly, unworthy and hopeless. At that moment heaven is not real anymore. I began to question the Lord with my never ending whys.
I remain actively serving for others not to notice that I am dying inside. Being a leader when everyone looks up at you is seriously the hardest battle of covering up yourself from pain. I was crying when no one hears or sees my tears. I even manage to hide it to my own family that feeling of brokenness that shattered me piece by piece. I was looking for an answer over and over but there’s nowhere to be found.
God was silent. But I knew it in my heart that I didn’t go through all that alone. God has not forgotten my pains. It was never easy, but God says “it will be worth it. Trust me. I am your God. I am real. What are you looking for?”
And so I gave my broken pieces a chance. I've learned self-reliance and God's limitless love for me. Free to be freed, I decided to leave the Philippines for UAE to work, bringing hope that all these shall pass.
Our second Speaker is Tita Jinky Ladrillo, she talks about the second P, “Discovering your PLEASURE.” God must and is the ultimate source of our joy. If we want to live joyfully, we have to make a decision that happiness is a choice and happiness is a state of our heart. Every moment of our life is a celebration because there are so many perfect moments and many genuine sources of pleasure. Our family, our friends inside and outside the SFC community, our work, future goals and plans.
The teaching ends with our bravest sharers. I sincerely honor Sisters Ken Villar, Mai Rarang, Dia delos Trinos, Bro. Bhil Vicente and Tito Francis Lucas for sharing their personal pain and pleasure by unveiling the masks and see the value of authenticity. Indeed, God was victorious in their lives as living witnesses of obedience by trusting God with full conviction.
If God can use my broken pieces, then He can use your broken pieces. God never stops from pursuing us. God pursues you. Everyday. We all experience pains and adversities in life. No pain is alike. No pleasure is given more for others and less for you. We must all walk the journey and the path entrusted to each one of us.
We can press on each day knowing that our Almighty Father loves us unconditionally. He uses those hurts and pains in this world to bring Him glory. Through our SFC journey, we eventually understand the purpose and encourage us to find joy in the middle of sufferings. Let us not give up hope.
It is not enough to live just to say you are alive. You are valuable and you are here for your greater purpose. You know who you are in Jesus. Stop looking for something in the wrong places or place your happiness to someone else’s pocket.
When I felt the love of God and Mama Mary intercedes in my prayers during the tough times, if it wasn’t a miracle. Then I don’t know what it is. There will be times of storm. There will be time of silence. But God is God. We cannot avoid adversity but the truth lies its value that we are God's beloved and you are beautiful just the way you are. God is not finished yet... I am waiting to be found in God’s most perfect will and time. Just saturate yourself in the scriptures and find time - a lot of time- to pray.
Let this prayer be heard: “Lord help us to forgive the way were forgiven. We lean not on our own understanding. No sin can separate us from your love oh Lord. Teach us to pray fervently. We do not have any idea what You have in store for us, but we know it is wonderful. And so we trust You even more. Take away the shame; take away the doubt and our pain, guilt and hopelessness. But for as long as we live, we will serve You and Your people for them to know that You love them too. May we always be hungry of Your words. Let thy wisdom and knowledge used more as gift.”
If struggle is real and so is hope real.
I will not live a life in paradox. I have chosen a life using not my own strength but God’s. Live to be brave and keep moving forward. May I not waste energy feeling bad about myself or live in regrets and surround more people that I love to be with.
As from Jeremiah 29:11:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give hope and a future.” Let this be a lifetime verse.
That in all things, may God be glorified. Solo Dios basta!
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